Okay, so hair is SUCH a big deal, isn’t it? I mean, at least it always was for me growing up and feeling like I had uncontrollably thick frizz-bomb hair. I could never do the “cool” things with it. No sunflower bangs, no side ponies, no wing sides. I mean, my mom, bless her heart, was a HUGE fan of perms. Every couple of months we’d get the big bag of curlers out and that trusty box of Ogilvie permanent. This of course was problematic for me due to my hair already being naturally curly (didn’t know at the time) and majorly thick. Top that with having a short short hair cut, and it was a recipe for disaster. My most memorable bad hair cut was in the sixth grade. This was when I was beyond obsessed with New Kids on the Block. I went so far as to ask my stylist if she could make my hair the female version of Jordan Knight. Rat tail and all. I mean, WHAT? I feel that in order for you to truly appreciate this OMG moment, you need to see the photo:
Praise God, sometime in the summer going into 10th grade Iwas too lazy to fix my hair and let it air dry naturally. It was then that I found out I had naturally curly hair – and it was pretty to boot! I felt like…finally! I have something going for me! Over the years I wore my hair long and curly, too afraid to do anything different to it. I had the mentality that even though I was overweight, I still had great hair. I started to hide behind it. Eventually, as I become more involved in running, and working out (which was actually diet after diet, exercise addiction, and binging) the weight started to come off and as I was nearing a tremendous life goal of losing 100 pounds, I thought that perhaps it was time to stop hiding behind my hair.
During the summer of 2009 I went home to Minnesota to visit. I decided it was time to take the plunge and asked my cousin who is a stylist, to cut it for me. Before I could even change my mind to “just a 1/4 of an inch off” she chopped. And right then and there I could no longer hide behind my long hair. My hair was short! For the first time in a long time! And I LIKED it!
Over the years I tried to keep it the same style and then in late 2010, my binge eating was at an all time high. I had a hard time controlling my dieting and exercise. I was burnt out. I started to slowly gain weight. As I put on the weight I started to let my hair grow a bit longer. As I got engaged, I decided that I would grow it out for the wedding. All the while I was still putting on weight as I was in therapy trying to overcome this eating disorder of mine. After the wedding (this past August) I was at the point of being 6 months binge free, but still really struggling with my body image. It had been difficult for me to work through the pain of the eating disorder, and at the same time, give up my addiction to working out – resulting in basically all of 2011 being a time free of consistent exercise. (More on that later…)
As we rung in 2012, I was becoming more and more tired of my hair. Feeling like I had no style to it whatsoever, feeling like I was continually just hiding behind it. I hated that it felt that I couldn’t cut it because I still had a lot of weight to lose, and that it certainly wouldn’t look good short because my face was so round and blah blah blah. How dare I hold myself back from feeling good about myself until I lost weight. I am so tired of doing that to myself!
So last night, as I sat down in the chair at the salon, I gave the stylist complete and utter creative freedom. This was SCARY to me! But also extremely liberating! The result? Lots of inches gone, bangs (!) for the first time in 13 years…and a lightness that I feel from not hiding any more!